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Date: Sat, 9 Mar 2002 04:11:29 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Self-dialogue
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From: jay bee
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Dear Friends,
Here is a very useful article on self-talk.
Regards
JayBee
-----------------Forwarded----------------
Self dialogue must be positive
By Joe Caruso
It's important to our success that we realize all
interpersonal communication is a form of negotiation.
In fact, I'd like to suggest that if you don't think
you're
in a negotiation, you're probably losing. You see, we
are
constantly in a negotiation -- if not with others,
then with
ourselves.
WE ARE constantly in dialogue with ourselves. Our
"self-
talk" can vary from loving, supportive messages to
negative
or foreboding messages.
It's important to keep in mind that this is not a
monologue.
This is very definitely a dialogue. We are at once
doing the
talking and the listening, the questioning and the
answering.
Whether we are winning or losing, our "intrapersonal"
negotiation at any point in time is based on whether
our
self-talk is positively or negatively affecting our
lives.
When we talk to ourselves, what we say is a direct
reflection of our attitude. If we love ourselves, we
say
positive and supportive things that edify our efforts
to be
successful and happy.
THIS POSITIVE and supportive self-talk can consist of
telling ourselves to stay focused on the things we can
control. It can be a confirmation of our faith, or it
can
simply be a retelling of past successes and small
victories.
The result of self-talk will manifest itself in your
life by
coloring your perspectives and feeding -- or stealing
from
-- your creativity and energy. It will also affect
your
relationships either positively or negatively.
Let's say, for example, you just got a very bad
haircut. If
you tell yourself how bad you look and continue to
feed your
insecurities, you will be less engaging, less
attractive and
less outgoing as you interact with people during the
day.
HOWEVER, you can counter these thoughts with the fact
that:
a) Most people probably won't even notice you got a
bad
haircut; b) even bad haircuts soon grow out to a point
where
they can be fixed or don't look so bad; c) everyone
has had
a bad haircut at some point in his or her life; or, d)
beauty is subjective.
In fact, talking about your haircut may be a great
device to
get others to share their "worst haircut experience"
with
you for fun.
It could help people enjoy a fun conversation that
everyone
can relate to. You could even serve as a fine example
of how
to respond positively to a difficult situation.
YOUR lighthearted, confident and realistic perspective
may
even be seen by others as an admirable quality, and
serve to
motivate them to respond in kind. It may even serve to
help
then see you as a more "attractive" person.
Although others can't hear our self-talk, they can
definitely be aware of the results. When we negotiate
with
ourselves, and lose to our fears and insecurities,
they will
manifest themselves in our behaviors, actions and
words.
When we talk positively to ourselves, we are
positioning
ourselves to be more positive and more powerful in our
communication with others.
Take a minute to listen in on your self-talk. Are you
winning or losing?
____________
Joe Caruso is an author, speaker and radio show host.
His,
new book, The Power of Losing Control will hit the
bookstores in march of 2003. He can be reached through
his
web-site at http://www.carusoleadership.com
__________________________________________________
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